I am a work in progress. I have been for almost 44 years now. Although in my mind I should have accomplished “something” by now…I have a sense of what I believe my life should be by now and a still small voice reminds me that perhaps God has other plans.

I expected to have “it” all figured out by now. To be in my mid-forties with my family, a nice house, substantial back yard, two nice cars…a savings account and a career I would enjoy.

Guess what…except for my wife and kids nothing in my life fits that description. I still wrestle with that expectation and I sometimes wonder what the hell happened. And I am reminded that God has a sense of humor. He also has a plan and whatever part of that plan I am participating in, one day will be revealed to me. But for now, things are as they are…for a reason.

And I have to be ok with it. Certainly I am not likely to change “what is” right now into “what I want it to be” over night. And even still perhaps what I want it to be isn’t really what’s best for me. What do I know? I didn’t create the universe. How should I know what my role in the grand scheme of things actually is?

I know this, am a husband and a dad, brought up in a pentecostal household and church that both positively and negatively influenced my younger years. In 1998 I felt I was being called into the ministry but I talked myself out of it. Sometimes I wonder if the course my life has taken since that sleepless night in January, was all part of that calling and in God’s infinite wisdom is or has been using me to play a larger part in other people’s lives anyway.

When I step back a few steps to examine what is and what is not, I sometimes am ok with where I am right now. I get this sense of being on the edge of something great and feel maybe my life is leaving a positive impression somewhere. My wife and I have been thru a lot of hell in the last 25 years together…specifically the last ten have been the worst. But we are still together, we have two beautiful children and we do have our health (thank God) …our experiences in these last ten years are worth something to somebody. We’ve told our story several hundred times I’m sure and since you can never fully know the impact you might have on anyone’s day or week or lifetime, even strangers, customers…anyone may be an angel we are entertaining, unaware. People are in your life for a reason.

I don’t know if my life experience will make a best seller or not but I set out to write it down. If for no one else, I am writing it down for my kids. And God willing, maybe for their kids.

My life has been messy and unpredictable and far from perfect. I still have the faith I adhered to as a kid when my parents started going to that pentecostal church in 1980, but I have asked more questions, doubted more than my share and I still struggle with why things happen the way they do.

I don’t get a lot of answers to my questions. But I still ask them. God knows my heart and he knows what I expected and he gives me the breath and the strength to just get thru another day.

He has a plan for me, my family and my friends and co-workers. How we are connected and why only he knows. Life is a work in progress, there are parts that will not make sense when we are in the middle of it all. But from a distance, if we focus and accept that we are not at all in control of anything, if we squint and wait for that still small voice, we might get a glimpse of the bigger picture we are all a part of.

All I do know is He’s not finished with me yet.

Have a Great day.

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